Twas the Night Before Pristmas
by Pyro-Kale
Summary: The Medical Department of the Transformers spends Pristmas together in a rather amusing way. G1 Hook, G1 Ratchet, Armada Red Alert. Part of the Medics with cards series. Medical degrees mean NOTHING.


**T'was the Cycle before Pristmas**

"This is stupid." Hook declared for the umpteenth time.

"Oh, come on! You know if you try hard you can really get into the Pristmas spirit!" First Aid said, all plucky and chipper… _curse his happy attitude._

Ratchet thought, not for the first time either. Ratchet was old. Old and grumpy, not the kind of mech who like to over exaggerate occasions like Pristmas. It was funny really, Pristmas was sort of the Cybertronian version to the human's Christmas.

_Christmas, _Ratchet thought and sniggered, _what a stupid name!_

"_**Buzzing bells, **_

_**Buzzing bells,**_

_**Buzzing up to the tip,**_

_**Oh, what fun it is to board a one Ponitron open ship,**_

_**Hey!**_"

Ratchet frowned- wasn't the first time he had done _that_ either- at Wheeljack's cheery singing. Why did everyone have to make a nuisance of themselves? Just because it was Pristmus didn't mean he wouldn't weld their afts to the ceiling every time he heard a damned carol.

The twins could testify to that.

He looked over to the tool bench where Hook had been polishing a scalpel. The Constructicon Medic's favourite scalpel to be exact.

Hook looked round to see Ratchet staring at him and glared. Ratchet chuckled; Hook still hadn't forgiven him for the whole "Twister" episode. Probably never would either. From what Ratchet had heard some very interesting gossip had been going round.

Along with about several hundred copies of the photos he had posted on the Website.

Yes, the Transformers had a website. It was mostly to check shift times and announcements. But it had it's more _useful_ functions too.

Ratchet would never forget the day the other Constructicons confronted Hook about the picture.

_**FLASHBACK**_

_Ratchet polished his wrench obsessively; the slagging thing just wouldn't stay clean! Might have had something to do with the fact it was regularly chucked at unruly patients- but still! _

_The ambulance heard the door slide open_.

That better not be a Lambo. _Ratchet thought, the twins had came in 4 times in one week- 4 slagging times! _

_It wasn't the twins, or even a Lambo, it was the Constructicons. Minus Hook, who was fiddling with something in the corner. _

_The 5 Decepticons strode over to said 'Con and stood right in front of the desk he had been working at. _

"_Hook. Care to explain this?" Scrapper held up a picture of the Twister incident. Hook's mouth fell open. "I- I, um, I, well- er, you, er, see, um- I can explain!" Hook stuttered as bad as Mixmaster would. _

_Ratchet got up and tried to stop himself from laughing, so far he wasn't doing to well. _

_He made his way out of the door as Hook was confronted by his fellow Gestalt-mates. _

_Primus so help the old Medic- he NEVER wanted to get the look of horror on Hook's face erased from his memory banks! _

_The ambulance burst into a fit of giggles when he heard a "What do you mean it was just a game?!" form inside the work-room. _

_**END FLASHBACK**_

"_**SILENT CYCLE-!**_"

"SHUT UP WHEELJACK!!" Ratchet roared.

The singing stopped abruptly.

Wheeljack gingerly looked round the screen they had to keep the patients and Medics separate when they "just don't want to see your ugly mugs- now get back on the slagging table before I dismantle you and feed you to the sharkticons".

"Okay dockay." He whispered.

Ratchet looked back down at his data pad when suddenly-

"_**Frosty the nitrogen bot, **_

_**Had a-**_!"

"I said: SHUT THE SLAG UP YOU INCOMPOTENT GLITCH!!" the ambulance bellowed.

"S'cuse me, Ratch?" Jazz popped his head round the screen, "since when are you th' Grinch?"

Ratchet just growled.

"Anyways…" the Saboteur attempted to continue.

"Jazz, this area is for medically trained staff only, so, GET YOUR AFT OUT OF HERE BEFORE YOU FIND IT WELDED TO THE CEILING!!" the Medic roared, causing Jazz to scamper out of the firing- or in Ratchet's case throwing- zone. "AND IF I SEE YOU IN HERE ONE MORE TIME I SWEAR I WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS!!"

As Jazz ran screaming out of the Medbay, Red Alert came in.

"I see you are in a deeply festive mood today, Ratchet?" the red and blue Medic said sarcastically.

"Indeed he is." Hook drawled. "I assume you banished everyone from the vicinity?"

"Locked the door and everything." Red Alert claimed, an evil grin placing itself on his face.

"Excellent."

Ratchet frowned, he wasn't quite sure what was happening and he wasn't sure he liked it.

Both the younger Medics turned to him, Ratchet now noticed they were holding certain objects- along with what he took to be a strong sedative. Ratchet gulped, he didn't think he was going to like this one bit.

The last thing he saw before he blacked out was the twin smirks on Red Alert and Hook's faceplates.

OoOoOoO

Optimus heard laughter, _puzzling_, he thought, _I don't remember the twins or Skywarp sneaking around_.

The noise was coming from the main control room; there he saw many mechs gathered round sniggering at something on Teletraan 1.

The Matrix carrier noticed Starscream standing right in front at Teletraan's keyboard, typing. Prime went in for a closer look. Mechs parted so he could get through, most of them fled, fearing they would get in trouble. Only Starscream stayed where he was.

"Alright, what's going on here?" he asked the Seeker.

Starscream just grinned and pointed at monitor. Optimus looked up at the screen and almost burst out laughing.

On the screen was a picture of Ratchet. Its caption was: _Merry Christmas_.

Ratchet tied to a chair with tinsel, ball-balls hanging from various places. On top of his head was a giant golden glittery star. Prime also noted with amusement that the Medic had been painted green and red- the festive colours of the season.

Underneath the picture was some text:

_Dear Autobots and Decepticons, _

_Merry Christmas, we wish you all the best for the New Year. _

_Lots of Love, _

_The Medical Department. _

_P.S. We (Hook and Red Alert) have gone into hiding for the time being, _

_until we believe it safe to come out. So if anyone has any medical problems _

_please go to Ratchet, First Aid or Swoop. Or maybe even Wheeljack. _

_P.P.S. Could someone please untie Ratchet?_

Optimus looked at Starscream and back at the picture. Starscream, the picture. Starscream, the picture. And then he burst out laughing.

"It has to be said: that has to be the most amusing thing I have seen in a long time." The commander chuckled.

Starscream nodded, "indeed."


End file.
